Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh
by BeautifulxxDisasterx
Summary: You said you hate my suffering, that you understood and you'd take care of me. You'd always be there, well where are you now? oneshot


_Summary: You said you hate my suffering, that you understood and you'd take care of me. You'd always be there, well where are you now? -oneshot-_

_Answer me this: why must I keep writing these dang oneshots? Ugh. Stupid plot bunnies._

_Disclaimer: I do not own the song. It is 'Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh' by Bright Eyes. Awesome song. You might want to listen to it while you read this. I own practically everything else. Including Joe Jonas. Obviously._

_Pairing: None. A little one-sided (kind of) Jiley. Jake-centric. _

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh**

_The phone slips from a loose grip  
Words were missing, some apology  
I didn't want to tell you this  
No, it's just some guy she's been hanging out with  
I don't know, the past couple weeks I guess  
Well, thank you and hang up the phone_

**Flashback**

_The ringing of a phone spread throughout my whole apartment, bringing me up from the new song I had been writing. I know. Jake Ryan, aspiring musician. Kind of strange, eh? But, then again, a lot of things have changed in these past couple of years._

_The phone rang again, and I ran to answer it._

_"Hello?" I answered. Someone cleared their throat._

_"Jake?" Oliver's voice inquired. I could tell that there was something different about the tone he used. Something that made me uneasy._

_"Hey Oliver. Whats up?"_

_"Its...its about Miley." he sighed. I leaned against the counter and stuck my unused hand in the front pocket of my jeans. Miley was my beautiful girlfriend, the girl I was undoubtedly in love with. She was everything to me. I couldn't imagine life without her._

_"What about her?" I inquired, finally placing the tone. It was...pity, in a sense. With some nervousness thrown in there, too._

_"She's...it involves Matt, too." My blood froze. _

_"Yes?"_

_"Listen Jake, I didn't want to tell you this."_

_"Matt is just some guy she's been hanging out with." I objected, but I knew I was wrong with only the sigh on the other end._

_"No he's not." Oliver simply stated. I found that his words were missing some apology._

_"How long?"_

_"I don't know. The past couple weeks, I guess." he answered. _

_"Well, thank you." And I hung up the phone only to have is slip from my hand._

**End Flashback**

_Let the funeral start  
Hear the casket close  
Let's pin split-black ribbon to your overcoat_

2 moths ago that was, but I still remember it as if it had happened just seconds before. One of the only things I really remember now and days. Except for...

**Flashback**

_"Why would you do this to me?" I inquired in a whisper. Her eyes held no emotion, but I could see the tears shining on her pale face. _

_"Don't start this again."_

_"I'm not starting anything. I'm asking a simple question that you have yet to answer." _

_"You weren't...you just...you-"_

_"Don't try to blame this on me, Miley." I spat coldly. "You're the one that had sex with your co-worker despite the fact you had a boyfriend." _

_"I don't know, okay!" she screamed, and I let out a spiteful laugh._

_"You never know, do you?"_

**End Flashback**

And that was, so to speak, the death of us. As she walked out the door, I let the funeral start, heard the casket close. I almost had the urge to go out and maybe pin some black ribbon on her coat. At least it would let it be final. 

Maybe I'd feel as though it was really over.

_Well, laughter pours from under doors  
In this house, I don't understand that sound no more  
It seems artificial, like a T.V. set_

Its never easy. I don't think it ever will get easy. I constantly hear the laughter reverberating through the house, pouring under doors and seeping through cracks in the windows and walls. But I don't understand it anymore. Not like I used to.

I used to know laughter like it was my own soul. I guess, in a way, it was. I lived off her laugh. I lived off the sound of her voice. But now when it echoes inside my head, it seems artificial. Like the laugh on a TV set.

It holds no more meaning for me.

_Well, haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh  
This weight it must be satisfied  
You offer only one reply  
You know not what you do_

Its hard to look back now, and see how much of it all was a lie. I mean, you start to think about what other things that were told that were lies. I started questioning everything. I didn't leave my apartment, and I still don't really. 

It adds a sort of weight, though. I feel like I need a way for it to be satisfied, to not be so confused and cautious.

I remember talking to her about it. I told her that I needed to know why she did what she did or else I wouldn't be able to satisfy this weight I had. She offered only one reply.

She doesn't know why she did it.

She says she doesn't even really know why she did to destroy this beyond fixing.

_But you tear and tear your hair from roots  
From that same head you have twice removed now  
A lock of hair you said would prove  
Our love would never die  
Well ha ha ha_

Yet she's the one tearing her hair out. She's the one fretting over everything, trying to get me back because I'm the one who told her it was over. But its really her own fault. She got her head practically chopped off twice now. She's slaughtering herself. 

I fingered the circular locket I held in my hands as I lay on the floor of my closet. My guitar lay next to me with a pad of paper and a pen. I slowly opened to silver locket and ran my fingers along the lock of brown hair she said proved that our love would never die.

Well ha ha ha.

_I remember everything  
The words we spoke on freezing South Street  
And all those mornings watching you get ready for school  
You combed your hair inside that mirror  
The one you painted blue and glued with jewelry tears  
Something about those bright colors  
would always make you feel better_

I laughed in spite of myself. I remember everything about the time we spent together. I remember the promises we spoke as the snow tumbled from the sky on South Street. We promised that we would stay together forever. No leaving, no exceptions. Just us.

I remember all the mornings I would watch her get ready for school years ago. She would comb her long chestnut hair inside the mirror she had pained blue and glued with jewelery gems that looked like small tears. Miley always told me that there was something about those bright colors that would always make her feel better. 

_But now we speak with ruined tongues  
And the words we say aren't meant for anyone  
It's just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance  
But there was once you_

But now the two of us speak in tongues that are ruined. The words we speak to one another aren't meant for anyone at all. Where they used to be heartfelt and meaningful, they're now only a mumbled sentence to a sort of passing acquaintance. But there was once her in those words.

Now its nothing. Only a forgotten language that shouldn't be used. Not to mention, we only speak when we pass in public places. Never calling, never true conversations.

_You said you hate my suffering  
And you understood  
And you'd take care of me  
You'd always be there  
Well where are you now?_

I let my fingers slightly strum on the acoustic that lay next to me as I remembered the day my sister had died. I was so hurt, so lost. She had told me that she hated to see me suffering. She said she understood the pain of losing a loved one, and that she'd take care of me. She promised that she would always be there.

I chuckled slightly.

"Well, where are you now, love?" I whispered into the emptiness hanging around my head. The feeling of dread and loss that still choked me. 

_Haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh  
The plans were never finalized  
But left to hang like yarn and twine  
Dangling before my eyes_

My eyes wandered to the open notebooks and scattered papers all around. Forgotten plans that the two of us had made about our life we would begin together. But those plans were never finalized. Instead, they were left to dangle before my eyes like yarn and twine.

They taunted me often, seeking my weakness. They always found it. They always made me ache a pain never before felt. A pain of longing for a life I never got to live. A life I needed to live to get by. A life I missed out on. A life that had crashed and burned.

_As you tear and tear your hair from roots  
From that same head you have twice removed now  
A lock of hair you said would prove  
Our love would never die_

I pulled myself up from the ground and headed into the living room. A fire was blazing in the fireplace, no doubt in my mind it had been lit by her. She sometimes came by to check on the cat. And I'm sure she lit a fire and stayed a while, not thinking I was home. I can imagine her now, sitting before the blaze tearing her hair from the roots, tears falling down her face. The hair from the head she's removed twice now, slaughtered herself. First it was the drinking and now...now this. 

I gripped the locket in my hand and gazed down on it. Without a last thought, I threw her promise of forever lasting love into the fire and let the flames lick it up. I cringed slightly before going into my closet, grabbing my guitar, turning out the fire, and leaving the house.

_And I sing and sing of awful things  
The pleasure that my sadness brings  
As my fingers press onto the strings  
In yet another clumsy chord_

I sang quietly into the microphone on the small stage at a coffee house. I came here regularly, and some people came just to listen to me sing. At first, my songs were happy songs that uplifted and made people feel loved. But lately, I sang of awful things. Of pain and of suffering. Of hurt and sometimes of lost comfort. I wasn't the Jake Ryan that everyone knew. 

I couldn't help but feel pleasure at the sadness that washed over me as I sang. My fingers pressed onto the guitar string in yet another clumsy chord. It was real home to me.

_Haligh, haligh, an awful lie  
This weight will now be satisfied  
I'm gonna give you only one reply  
I know not who I am_

I found myself sitting in a darkened corner of the coffeehouse. I sipped my usual drink slowly as she got up on stage. She sang some song about regret, and she got off the stage. I ducked down, but not soon enough for her to not see me. 

"Hi." she whispered, coming over to me.

"Hello."

"Look Jake I-"

"Save it. It was an awful lie, Miley, but this weight I feel is being satisfied. I don't need to know why you did it or even for you to know what you did. Just go now." I spoke. She glanced down at her red flats. 

"Why are you being like this Jake? Why don't I know you anymore?" she pleaded. I smiled vaguely, giving her only one reply.

"Because I know not who I am."

_But I talk in the mirror  
To the stranger that appears  
Our conversations are circles  
Always one sided  
Nothing is clear_

When I reached home, I glanced at myself in the mirror. I talked to the stranger that appeared quietly. Our conversations together never got anywhere. They were only circles, always one sided. Nothing was ever clear by the end of it. Much like my conversations with her. Nothing was ever resolved, nor will anything every be.

_Except we keep coming back  
To this meaning that I lack  
He says the choices were given  
Now you must live them  
Or just not live_

But I do know that the of us keep going back to this meaning that I lack. He says that the choices were given to me. I could have held on to her. I could have tried to make it work. He tells me that I have to live with the choice I made, or just not live. He asks me if I want that.

Do I?

_But do you want that?_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_So there it was. It was probably suckish. NOW BEFORE YOU TELL ME THAT I RELATED TO THE SONG TOO MUCH: I meant to. Its a song that needs all parts of it to keep the true meaning of it (which is hard to find) so I used exact lines a lot. You'll just have to deal with it._

_Review, loves?_

_--Lani_


End file.
